Written by Katrin Surkan
My freshman year roommate liked to set seven alarms before getting out of bed in a hurry for her first class. My sophomore year roommate called her family in the afternoons. My junior year housemate made kefir every morning. And this senior year, one of my housemates is an English major who’s always reading in the living room.
These are some quirks I have come to love about my roommates and housemates over the years. I knew none of these people when I arrived, and yet all four of them have become dear, dear friends of mine. Each one has left me with a lesson and reminder I still lean on daily.
I was intimidated when I walked into the room where a stranger had sprawled things across one half of the space. I had shared a room with my sibling for years, so I was used to living with someone very different from me. I was not used to living with a stranger. How do I make friends? What if this person is awful to live with? What if it tears our friendship apart over time? How do I set boundaries kindly, because I’d have to live with any frustration I caused? Can/should we change in front of each other? Aaah! There were too many unknowns!
I soon learned that my freshman year roommate and I were very different. She came from a large family, and I was one of two children. She slept in, but I got up early. She wanted to major in STEM, and I loved the humanities. She spent afternoons in, and I was always out. She talked little, and I chattered her ear off.
And yet… as the semester wore on, we settled into our linked lives. I mostly learned the names of all her nine siblings, and she stayed up-to-date on my sister’s adventures overseas. We bought snacks for a communal snack box. I learned to sleep through her fan, and she slept through my early morning work light. She was an excellent listener and loved hearing the escapades of the day when I got back. I pulled her out of the room to meet the new friends I was getting to know. By the end of the semester, we were good friends (and still are, three years later).
How? How do I build a good relationship with my roommate? I wondered many times that year. We would share our three favorite events of the day together at the end of it. We met up once a week for a coffee hour, just to give us some time to talk when we weren’t both dead tired. And we kept to our spaces, making it clear what was okay or not to use from each other’s things. But above all, I have learned to communicate. For the sake of understanding why my roommate does or has something, I ask questions about anything, big or small, that confuses, intrigues, or irritates me; and then I listen to understand and give my roommate the benefit of the doubt.
Just as I build a relationship with friends, I must focus on building one with my roommate. As a result, I have had some of the most joyful and blessed experiences with roommates.
Each roommate has left me with a gift I still cherish. Freshman year, my roommate showed me how to relax. Sophomore year, my roommate taught me to take a breath before jumping to conclusions. Junior year, my roommates reminded me of the power of sharing stories. And this year, my roommates have encouraged me to distribute responsibilities.
I wish you luck in your roommate endeavor! It will be challenging, adventurous, joyful, hopeful, and beautiful in the end.
Katrin Surkan, ’25, has roots on the east coast but can almost always be found traveling. When not writing, reading, or chatting with someone new, she’s likely looking for a dog to pet or singing at the top of her lungs between classes with a cappuccino in hand.
Published in March 2025
